Dhoom Taana!

Well thank god!
My group decided Dhoom again was way too much to handle, so they picked Dhoom Taana, one of my favorite music videos. What a relief.
Now the only problem is I've rather lost control of my production to other control freaks in the group and I'm stuck with all the bitch work--finding shooting places, camera men, costumes, and getting the permits from various people. Oh, and makeup and hair.
costumes have to look like this:


This guy wants to shoot it on Friday, and we started rehearsing the dance on last friday. That seems wholly unreasonable to me and I doubt we can pull costumes, a shooting location, and four cameras out of our asses by that time.

It's just a little frustrating because this production is my first and so it's my baby, and I need to learn how to be a little more pushy, a little more director-like. Ugh.

Dhoom Again

(Dhoom 2 (धूम २,), starring Hrithik Roshan)

Well yesterday was spent coordinating Bollywood stuff. Tomorrow is the first dance practice. Of course we picked an impossible video to replicate--the title song of Dhoom 2, Dhoom Again.

Not to be stupid, but I think it spells doom for our production.

I spent 4 hours trying to learn the friggin' dance yesterday night and this afternoon and I still can't do :20 seconds of it. Roshan is a great dancer, and though his backup dancers screw up a lot, you don't notice it because he is so energetic and can pop around so well. I have zero dancing ability (thank god I'm the producer) so I can't do that, but I have to teach this to 20 kids tomorrow. Ugh!

I hope they'll decide to revert back to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, because that one is easy to shoot and perform. Dhoom is going to involve getting a permit from the city, contacting the police, and using four to five different sized cars, dry ice, and large lighting equipment. KKHH could be done in a park. No police involved.

On another note, I made soup tonight, which was really yummy. Just pureed vegetables with herbes de provence and salt. Yum!

In the countryside

(Benjy Ferree)
God summer is so boring. What have I done in the past few days? Nothing.

I am working on a Bollywood production, but it's been pretty hard to get people to do anything about it--herding 20 teenagers to one place at one time is a challenge. Even getting them to respond to emails is a bit frustrating.

Most of my friends are abroad or have jobs. Next summer I am definitely getting an internship abroad, I cannot stand to live here any longer. It is SO BORING.

I did use my free time to start going to the gym--gotta have a flat stomach and nice thighs to do this Bollywood video--and read some books.

Finished:
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Neuromancer
Yesterday's Kings
Lamb

I'm reading through all the books on my bookshelf that I haven't gotten to so far. There's like 13 more, so I better step on it. The Once and Future King is the one I'm currently struggling through.

There is a reason I haven't read them, after all.

Finished Firefly last night too. I was sad to see it end. No more new stories of Mal and River. :(

Living

There is something dying inside me. I can feel it withering like a tulip in autumn, losing its petals one by one and finally falling into a dry, shriveled stick.
What am I becoming?
I don’t know where I’m going in the dark. It’s all faded and cold and I’m groping for a light switch that doesn’t exist.
I gotta find a light, or I'll be stuck here forever.

Something not depressing: model pictures!

So for those of you who know me well, I'm going to try out for America's Next Top Model this next summer. I know I probably won't get in, but I do want to try. It's kind of an initiation thing--being able to accept who I am after an ultimate rejection of it.
But these are my modeling pictures! I'm obviously getting more of them, since you need a portfolio, but these are the best ones I have so far:

Killing the Light.


Rooftops and Invitations.

Triplets.


Sushi flower.

American Cola. Hypnotik.


Marie Antoinette.

All my photographs were taken by myself except for the "Rooftops and Invitations" which was taken by my roommate A.
I know it's a far cry from a portfolio but I love these pictures to death, so.

God, all I've been doing lately is poetry

There's a reason.
I can't forget you--
you are my black hole;
you suck it all in
and leave nothing inside me.
I wish you could know what
you've done
to me.
From strung-out
to someone.

I want to forget.
Let me leave.
You force me to stay,
your memory makes me
question everything.
You make me ignorant.
No reason--
no reason for me to care
but I do.
And I can't forget you.

Possibility

Rebirth

I.
Agony, shivering--
how much more can I endure?
Trudging onwards through the wasteland:
the teenage wasteland.
Alone. Always alone. Fighting,
fighting everyone,
but most of all myself.
Which makes it all the harder.
Rationalizing, slipping away
further into the delusions.
It is all I can do not to scream,
the gasps
coming short and quick
torn from me
like you were.
Fate is nothing
God, I wish fate were nothing.

II.
Then emerging, breathing,
feeling the light on my cheeks,
the wind on my lips.
Suffering leads to contentment,
though what I am content with
is empty.
Not alone anymore,
sang vivant in my veins,
pulsing like wine.
The dead leaves
are beautiful,
everything is symbolic of my struggle.
Tomorrow might be the wind
that blows out my flame
but it may be the fire
that ignites my heart.

***

Monotony

We go through the motions because we have to.
I tell you welcome,
you ask me my name.
I answer:
Laure.
You fidget with your tie.
You're friends with A.?
Yes, you are.
Have a drink, you ask me.
I say no, but watch you indulge.
The punch stains your lips.
Evening.
And it begins again.

***
Je ne suis la petite bellete de personne.